You know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When... @ LaughNet

You know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You answer the door before people knock.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
Cocaine is a downer.
All your kids are named "Joe."
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Your urine stream bores a hole in the toilet.
You have two complete orgasms while brushing your teeth.
You plow under your marijuana crop to plant coffee trees.
You talk so fast your tongue has windburn.
You jog to work and arrive yesterday.
Your farts smell like espresso
Your eyes are brown...even the white parts.
You personally account for more than 1% of the Gross National Product of Brazil.
Your espresso smells like farts.
Your skin is blacker than Bill Cosby's, and you're caucasian.
Your hearburn ignites brush fires.
Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.
You bungee jump and go UP.
Your coffee breath etches glass.
You stand in front of the microwave oven screaming, "Hurry UP!!!"
You use coffee beans as suppositories.
Your coffee cup is visible from the Space Shuttle.
You spend the weekend cross-country skiing....and cross the country!
You think skydiving is just too damned slow.

This article was added to LaughNet on Friday 05 August, 2005.

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