Acura Integra         - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend          - I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX             - I am impotent
Audi 90               - I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue     - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado     - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville      - I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro      - I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Chevette    - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I
                          have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Caprice     - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change
                          lanes when I pull up behind them
Chevrolet El Camino   - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba      - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z           - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart            - I teach third grade special education and I voted
                          for Diefenbaker
Dodge Daytona         - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ford Fairmont         - (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang          - I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria   - (see Chevy Caprice)
Geo Storm             - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall
Geo Tracker           - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall
Honda del Sol         - I have always said, half a convertible is better
                          than no convertible at all
Honda Civic           - I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord          - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
Infiniti Q45          - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Isuzu Impulse         - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports
Jaguar XJ6            - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the
                          shop 280 days per year
Kia Sephia            - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp
Lincoln Town Car      - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
Mercedes 500SL        - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL       - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata           - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler
MGB                   - I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante   - I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX          - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
Oldsmobile Cutlass    - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a heist
Peugeot 505 Diesel    - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon         - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM      - I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 944           - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be
                          inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2            - (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy         - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
Toyota Camry          - I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle     - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Microbus   - I am tripping right now