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WAYS TO BE ANNOYING   Take the hotel towel Pay tolls with $100 bills Practice the art of limp handshakes Tell the ending of movies Give little kids clothes for their birthdays Leave the toilet seat up Take more than items to the express checkout lane Turn on your bright for oncoming traffic Finish other people's crossword puzzles Use the last square of toilet paper Tailgate the elderly Drum your fingers during other people's presentations Blow out other people's birthday candles Don't leave a message at the beep Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways Eat produce at the market; don't buy it When giving directions, leave out a turn or two Toss things out the window: tissues, cigarettes, cellophane food wrappings and those sorts of things Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and hotel reservations Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons Go up the down escalator (B.P., this means you) Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines Snap your gum Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave the cap off Open umbrellas in crowded hallways Announce when you're going to the bathroom Read over other people's shoulders on the bus When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower Chew other people's pencils Lie to your therapist and sit in her chair Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces Tell teenagers how things were in your day Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation Pee in the swimming pool Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then cut in Wear large hats during the movies Forget the pooper scooper Race the old woman for the last bus seat Cause gridlock Bring 15 things into the dressing room Draw mustaches on posters Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and cherry Twinkies on Thanksgiving Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you Touch strangers Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus Bite your dentist's finger Fart in cramped places Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads Don't stand during hymns and anthems Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa Rubberneck Leave pages in the copier Be "in conference" all the time Don't clean the dryer lint screen Buy it, wear it, return it Tell people they have bad breath Smell smoke often and announce it Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet Put everyone on speakerphone Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you Rain on someone's parade Make scary faces at babies Flirt with a friend's spouse Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team Pretend you're listening Shake with your left hand Current Reviews: 1 This article was added to LaughNet on Thursday 17 March, 2005. Save to del.icio.us   |   Digg this   |   Google Bookmark this   |   Add to Yahoo

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