* You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're
   equal.
 
 * You wanna take out a contract on the kid who broke your son's
   favorite toy car and make him cry.
 
 * (for Mom's only!)  You only have time to shave one leg at a time.
 
 * You hide in the bathroom just to get some alone-time.
 
 * Your child spits up and you catch it.
 
 * Someone else's kid spits up at a party and you go right on eating.
 
 * You consider fingerpaint to be a controlled substance.
 
 * You've mastered the art of placing large amounts of scrambled eggs
   and pancakes on the same plate without anything "touching".
 
 * You don't allow your kids to play with any weapon-toys, and your
   child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
 
 * You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child
   eats.
 
 * You manage not to laugh when your 5 year old boy confides in you his
   suspicion that his penis has bones inside.
 
 * You con your kid into thinking that FAO Schwartz is a toy MUSEUM and
   not really a store.
 
 * You fast-forward through the scene where Bambi's mom gets killed.
 
 * You hear YOUR parents voice when it's you that screams "Not in THOSE
   clothes you don't!"
 
 * You hire a sitter because the two of you haven't been out in ages,   
   then spend half the night calling home to check on the kids.

 * Rock concerts give you a headache; and finally, you KNOW you're a
   victim of Advanced Parenthood when ~~
 
 * You start offering to cut up other people's food for them!