After many unhappy replies from our current vending service we decided
that what they really needed was a different form letter that was more
closely tied to their true feeling:

=========================================


        BFD Vending Service

Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints
        about our vending service.

___      We are aware that _____________ machine
        has not been stocked in _____ days.
    
    ___ We are waiting for the weekend.
    ___ We are out of items that have expired.
    ___ We're busy, don't bother us about this.
    ___ We don't care.

___  We are aware that the price for __________
        seems high at $_______ but,
    
    ___ we have to make a living.
    ___ we use an algorithm 3*retail+your_age.
    ___ we charge others more.
    ___ we adjust it to allow for spoilage.

___      We are aware that
    
    ___ the sodas are warm
    ___ the milk is curdled
    ___ sandwiches are stale
    ___ gum is hard
    ___ candy bars are petrified
        and assure you that that is the way it
        is supposed to be, really.

         We understand that
    
    ___ the bill changer can't,
    ___ coin return won't,
    ___ product selection doesn't,
        and believe that
    
    ___ you should relax, it all evens out.
    ___ learn to live with it.
    ___ bring in your own change next time.
    ___ be happy it gave you anything.
    ___ quit eating so much junk food.


Thank you and Happy Eating.