"Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman language than
it  does in man language.

Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the
direction that they are heading.

All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it.
Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they
really have 5 pounds to gain.

If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can
probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good 
china".

Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let
into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.
All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet,
taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

Origin of the word "woman" is: woo-man.

If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy
toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid
to stay up...thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets
them in more trouble)

Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a
flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they
"left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it 
themselves.

Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men
arrested.

Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims
to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to
Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, You don't
see straight men dancing together.

Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out
and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women
checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other
women.

The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing
the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh-my-GOD,
there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"