#include [nonsense.h]
#include [lies.h]
#include [spyware.h] /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include [process.h] /* For the court of law */ 

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version 

void main()
{
  if (latest_window_version]one_month_old) {
    if (there_are_still_bugs)
      market(bugfix);
    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
      raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); }
  while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
    {
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in 
						      lie.h */
      if (rumours_grow_wilder)
	make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
	  {
	    market_time=ripe;
	    say("It will be ready in one month");
	    order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
	    order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
	    order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
	    vaporware=TRUE;
	    break;
	  }
    }
  switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) {
  case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
    say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing"); break;
  case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK: 
    say("Yes it will work");
    ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
    pretend(there_is_no_problem);
    break;
  case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS: 
    say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to" 
	" the 32 bits architecture");
    inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
    inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
	   "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
    inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
    get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
    break;
  case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE: 
    say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");
    register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
    when(time_is_ripe)
      {
	arrest(journalist);
	brainwash(journalist);
	when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) {
	  order(journalist, "write a nice objective article"); release (journalist);
	}
      }
    break;
  }
  while (vapourware)
    {
      introduction_date++; /* Delay */
      if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release) 
	break;
      say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH); }
  release(beta_version)
    while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) {
      bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
      release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
      introduce(more_memory_requirements);
      if (customers_report_installation_problems) {
	say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
	if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play) {
	  ignore(customer);
	  order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this bastard");
	}
      }
      if (there_is_another_company)
	{
	  steal(their_ideas);
	  accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
	  hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
	  wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
	  buy_out(other_company);
	}
    }
  /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us */
  order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
  buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
  laugh_at(everyone,
	   for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}


void bugfix(void)
{
  charge (a_lot_of_money)
    if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix) 
      say("It is not a bugfix but a new version"); if (still_complaints)
	{
	  ignore(customer);
	  register(customer, big_Bill_book);
	  /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
	}
}