12. You can't be nailed to the menorah

11. More elephants in the Hanukkah story

10. No roof damage from reindeer

9. Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved
   ones

8. Dance of the Sugar-Plum Rebbe

7. Betting Hanukkah gelt on candle races

6. Yes, Rivka'le, there is no Santa Claus

5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games

4. Fun waxy buildup

3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth

2. Cheer optional

1. No Irving Berlin songs