Below are the typical areas of a resume and my priceless secrets for 
dealing with them.  These tips will help crush the competition, get 
you in the door and put you behind a desk making 50 big ones, plus 
bonus.

THE NAME:  Use the name to your advantage.  Spice it up a little bit. 
 Steve Smith goes nowhere fast.  But Sir Stephen Smith -- now that 
might turn a few heads.  Nicknames also help.  Mark "Keyboards" 
O'Malley is good.  Mark "Kegsucker" O'Malley is bad.

THE ADDRESS:  Forget your real address.  Make a statement instead!  
Saying you're from the Bronx suggests you're tough as nails.  
Anyplace in Japan implies you believe in an 18-hour-a-day work ethic!

THE PHONE NUMBER:  Skip it.  What are the odds they'll call -- 1,000 
to 1.  If they do, they'll probably just catch your roommate 
somewhere in the middle of his second six-pack.  My advice is never 
put your phone number on a resume unless you want to try some 
interesting 900 number which might wake up a recruiter or two.

THE AMBITION STATEMENT:  Forget the ambition statement.  You know 
what I mean:"Seeking a challenging IS position using state-of-the-art 
technology in a high-growth, future-oriented corporation that is 
doing neat things for the environment."  A better idea is to tell 
them what you're NOT seeking.  "Not seeking a job where I'm paying my 
dues for eight years, maintaining ancient Cobol code that crashes 
every other night, slaving for some horrible boss and groveling in 
the smallest cubicle in the world until I finally claw my way
into a lower management position, only to have the company lay off 
40% of its work force so that I wind up in some non-critical, low-
paying, dead-end, back-office position."

EDUCATION:  Don't be afraid of Yalies and PH.D.s.  Be proud of where 
you go to school and play it straight.  But just to be on the safe 
side, send an application to some prestigious high-tech program at a 
prestigious school.  Until they respond, you're not lying if you list 
under your education credits: "BA in Watersports Administration, 
Massatucky State, 1993... and current doctoral candidate, Nuclear 
Computer Simulation Modeling Fellowship Program, MIT."

EXPERIENCE:  Even fresh out of school, you've got to have experience. 
 But don't mention that you've invested in your own relational 
database or coded an object-oriented commodity trading system... 
Everybody's done that stuff.  I'm talking about hands-on experience:  
high-level management, microchip design, hostile takeovers, etc.  So 
if you're a little light in the experience area, don't tell lies.  
Instead, simply try a bit-more-concise explanation of the experience 
you do have.  For example, if you worked as a cashier at Food
Giant, make it, "Monitored and troubleshot retail point-of-sale bar-
code inventory scanning system."  "Conducted usability testing for 
graphical user interface" sounds a lot better than "played too much 
Nintendo."  But don't try "Evaluated remote-accessed continuous-
availability multimedia environment."  Most employers can pick that 
one off as watching too much MTV.

THE CLOSE:  "References furnished upon request?"  What kind of power-
close is that?  Let me leave you instead with this recommendation:  
Close with impact.  Close with passion.  Close with a line they'll 
remember, like "Please, please give me a job.  And by the way, I know 
where you live."