I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the 
toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the 
coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet 
in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard 
after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom 
end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my 
people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down 
when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell.  I will not bark each time I hear one on 
TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard 
with it.

The sofa is not a face towel.  Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Dad's 
driver's license and car registration.