Here are some conversations, which had actually happened between help-desk 
people and their customers:

Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

Customer: "I don't need any of that SQL stuff-I just want a database!"

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?" Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER 
when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know when it's 
ready?"

Customer: "I have a long distance modem."

Customer: "I don't have a space bar.

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a 
document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it 
say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech 
Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, 
but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." 
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button." Customer: (silence) 
"But I only have one mouse."

Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it."

Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?" Customer: "No, I only have 
3 of them."

Customer: "Now what do I do?" Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the 
screen?" Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'" Tech Support: 
"Ok, so type in your last name." Customer: "How do you spell that?"

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting 
the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" 
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: 
"Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: 
"Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC 
manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word 
set-up disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" 
Customer "No ..."

Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support:?@#$?

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see 
the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from 
there?"

Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?" Customer: "A white one."

Customer: "I'm going to be using Windows NT. Should I get the Server or 
Workstation version?" Tech Support: "Well, are you using it as a workstation 
or as a server?" Customer: "A server. So, which one do I get?" Tech Support: 
"The server version perhaps?" Customer: "Which one is that?" Tech Support: 
"Windows NT Server." Customer: "Ok, thanks."

Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." Customer: "How do you spell that?"

Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?" Customer: 
"No." (Clicks the button to log on to our service) Tech Support: "Well then 
we can't" Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'." Tech Support: "That's because 
you're on the line with me right now. You need to hang up the phone first" 
Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try 
a few times, and it will let me through." Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not 
even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me." 
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."

Customer: "I can't log in to my account." Tech Support: "Ok, let's look at 
your configuration." Customer: "Ok...but I know that my User ID is case 
sensitive." Tech Support: "Yes it is. Ok, what does it say in the 'User ID' 
field?" Customer: "Like I said, 'Case Sensitive'."

Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" Customer: "A stuffed animal 
that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" Customer: "Pentium."

Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."