How To Translate Menspeak

When He Says                           He Really Means
------------                           ---------------
Do you have the time?                  to go to bed
Hello                                  Let's cut the talk and go have sex.
How are you?                           in bed, I mean.
I'd like a discreet relationship.      I want sex, but I'm married.
I'll be out of town for a few days.    I'll be spending time with with the wife.
I'm a novelist.                        I have 10 unpublished books.
I'm coming off a long relationship.    My wife is divorcing me.
I'm consulting.                        I'm looking for a job.
I'm divorced.                          I just slipped off my wedding ring.
I'm in television.                     I fix them.
I'm involved in banking.               I'm a bank guard.
I'm self-employed.                     I just got fired.
I'm sorry I flirted with your sister.  I'm sorry I got caught.
I'm thinking of relocating.            I can't find a job locally in this town.
I can't leave my wife just yet..soon.  Be patient forever.
I enjoy reading.                       Playboy and Penthouse.
I have the Midas touch.                I install mufflers.
I like a woman who is intelligent.     As long as she acts like I'm smarter.
I love opera.                          I want sex, but I've seen an opera once.
I play the market.                     Safeway
I work high up in an executive office. I'm a window washer.
I work with computers.                 I'm a cashier at a gas station.
Looking for a satisfying relationship. I want sex.
My business is really hot right now!   I hand out towels in a steam room.
My job keeps me running.               I'm a messenger.
My wife and I are separated.           She's at home and I'm here at the bar.