VERSION 1

1.   You have the right to remain motionless,
     or you may elect to run away from me.

2.   Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to
     chase you down to the ends of the earth.

3.   You have the right to have your lawyer run with you.
     Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate
     will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.

4.   If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race,
     beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your
     intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in
     full stride.

5.   You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.

6.   Good luck. On your mark, get set.... GO!!!!!

        

         THE REVISED MIRANDA RIGHTS - VERSION 2

1.   You have the right to swing first. Anything you do
     can and will lead to an ass-kicking.

2.   You have the right to have a priest and/or an EMT
     present at the time of the ass-kicking.

3.   If you don't have a priest, one will be appointed
     free of charge, to read you your last prayer.

        

      THE REVISED MIRANDA RIGHTS - VERSION 3


YOUR ARE UNDER ARREST AND...

1.   No, I don't care who you are.

2.   No, I don't care who you know.

3.   Yes... you DO pay my salary.

4.   Yes... you CAN have my job.

5.   No, I don't have anything better to do.

6.   Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.

7.   No, I am not picking on you because you are
     _____________ (fill in some ethnic group/race).

8.   No, I can't give you a break.

9.   No, I don't know your friend, Officer ______.

10.  Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.

11.  Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.

12.  No, we can't talk about it.

13.  Yes, it DOES make me happy.

14.  Yes, you WILL see me in court.

Thank you, have a nice day... TOMORROW!!!
     Your Arresting Officer  __________