ATTITUDE: What anyone who can solve your child's problems has.

 BARBIE DOLL: (if you have a girl) unrealistic expectations.
              (if you have a boy) a gun.

 DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

 FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the
 strained carrots.
 
 FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

 GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even
 though they're sure you're not raising them right.

 GODSEND: any individual or group who offers to baby-sit for free!

 HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

 INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do
 everything we say.

 OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings (followed 
 closely by "mine!")

 PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing
 dry shoes into it.

 SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

 STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and
 to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

 TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

 TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to
 make those familiar grunting noises.

 VERBAL: able to whine in words

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house