You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only
one parachute.

Pessimist:  you refuse the parachute because you might die in the
jump anyway.

Optimist:  you refuse the parachute because people have survived
jumps just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on
parachute use in melti-engine aircraft under corde red conditions.

Lawyer:  you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Doctor:  you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the
parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive:  you sell them the parachute at top retail rates
and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service:  you confiscate the parachute along with
their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a
neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.

Engineer:  you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and 
dental floss.

Scientist:  you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a
report on how well it worked.

Mathematician:  you refuse to accept the parachute without proof
that it will work in all cases.

Philosophy:  you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

English:  you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all
four languages.

Computer Science:  you design a machine capable of operating a parachute 
as well as a human being could.

Economics:  you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, 
how much they would pay for a parachute.

Psychoanalysis:  you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds
them of.

Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character
of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Art:  you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work
hard and not expect handouts.

Democrat:  you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can
cut the parachute into two equal pieces.

Libertarian:  after reminding them of their constitutional right to
have a parachute, you take it and jump out.

Ross Perot:  you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you
long to learn how to fix a plane.

Surgeon General:  you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous
to your health.

Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that
despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown no
link whatsoever between airplane crashes and death.

National Rifle Association:  you shoot them and take the parachute.

Police Bigot:  you beat them unconscious with the parachute.

Environmentalist:  you refuse to use the parachute unless it is 
biodegradable.

Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the
parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.

Sports Fan:  you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works 
fine.

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Kedar Janwadker