Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
      
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further 
contention as Mr. Right.  As you are probably aware, the competition 
was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as 
yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep 
your name on file should an opening become available.  So that you 
may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please 
allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from 
the competition:
 
 [Check all those that apply]
      
 ___  Your breasts are bigger than mine.
 
 ___  Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, 
 hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
           
 ___  The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at 
 McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
      
 ___  Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the 
 truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something 
 other than my  personality.
     
 ___  You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions 

 about yourself before you asked me one.
      
 ___  Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, 

 then you can't GET into my pants.
 
 ___  Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 
 9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
      
 ___  You failed the credit check.
 
 ___  I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily 
unappealing.
      
 ___  The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals 
 an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
      
 ___  The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
 conversation.
      
 ___  You still live with your parents.
       
 ___  You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention 
mine.
 
 ___  Three words: Size does matter. 
      
                Sincerely,
                    
                [Your name here]