A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
(Laurence J. Peter)

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had 
in a way you don't understand.

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which isn't there.  (Charles R. Darwin)

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a 
coffee cup and a doughnut.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a
"brief." (Franz Kafka)

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful 
girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked 
children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells 
you the time.