*  Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure."

*  Exam room has a tip jar.

*  You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument
tray just before the anesthesia kicked in.

*  "Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?"

*  Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers.

*  "Take two leeches and call me in the morning."

*  The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.

*  Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

*  "Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is for a box of Tic-Tacs.

*  Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.

*  Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you
enter the trailer park."

*  Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.

*  Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an
apple a day."

*  Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine.

*  Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the final chapter of
"War and Peace".

*  Recycled bandages

*  Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to
goodwill last month.

*  Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an oversized 2-sided
copier.