At a Santa Fe gas station:
  "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

 In a New York restaurant:
  "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

 On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
  "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.             
--Sisters of Mercy"

 On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
  "38 years on the same spot."

 In a Los Angeles dance hall:
  "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

 In a Florida maternity ward:
  "No children allowed."

 In a New York drugstore:
  "We dispense with accuracy."

 In the offices of a loan company:
  "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

 In a New York medical building:
  "Mental Health Prevention Center"

 On a New York convalescent home:
  "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

 On a Maine shop:
  "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices, and
workmanship."

 At a number of military bases:
  "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

 On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
  "Now available in multi-packs."

 In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
  "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

 In a funeral parlor:
  "Ask about our layaway plan."

 In a clothing store:
  "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

 In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
  "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

 On a shopping mall marquee:
  "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

 Outside a country shop:
  "We buy junk and sell antiques."

 In the window of an Oregon store:
  "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

 In a Maine restaurant:
  "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

 On a radiator repair garage:
  "Best place to take a leak."

 In the vestry of a New England church:
  "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is
extinguished."

 In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
  "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

 On a roller coaster:
  "Watch your head."

 On the grounds of a public school:
  "No trespassing without permission."

 On a Tennessee highway:
  "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

 Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
  "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

 And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by
human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."