Ring ring...

God:  Hello this is the religion help line, what is your disbelief?

Sinner:  I seem to have lost my faith.

God:  Was your faith installed by an ordained priest or a Catholic Minister?

Sinner:  Ummm...  lets see, I have a conformation, so it must have been a
priest.

God:  And have you been doing your Faith updates with Weekly Services(c)?

Sinner:  Well, no, not all of them, but I did get the big upgrade at Christmas
and Easter, and a few other Weekly Services here and there.

God:  Have you recently heard any contrary Data that might have corrupted your
faith?

Sinner:  Not that I can think of..

God:  Please remember that corrupting data can come in many forms, from Simple
Lies (c)*(Microsoft) or Street Rhetoric (Internet).  Have your Ears downloaded
anything that might be construed as corrupting?

Sinner:  Well I did listen to a bum on the street that said that God was asleep
and that anyone who believes was being lulled into the fires of hell.

God:  What you have is a paradox, that is the problem with your faith, you see,
somehow you have an INI string installed that does not let you Believe in God,
but the output of this string is a Goto Hell.  Without God there is
no hell, thus the paradox.

Sinner:  And how do I get this Paradox out of my system?

God:  Please re-read the book that came with your faith, The Bible(TM) and
recall the passages that deal with heaven and hell, and look to the passages
about Judas.ini (c).  You can also find some help in the Psalms 100-120, but
those are long and confusing and should only be used with a complete lack of
Faith.

Sinner:  And what can I do so that my Faith never becomes corrupted again?

God:  Well there are several products out there just for that purpose, Lotus
Devout(TM), Microsoft Seminary Plus(TM), and Netscape Hereafter Browser(TM). 
If you use these products and not download data from know corrupting sources,
you should be fine.

Sinner:  Well thank you very much God, This should help out a lot, I should be
believing in you without a doubt in no time.

God:  Go in Peace(TM) my son.

Ring ring...

God:  Hello this is the religion help line, what is your disbelief?

Sinner:  Hello, I am now Jewish(TM)...