ALABAMA:            Literacy ain't everything
                    Ya want fries with dat?

ALASKA:             Come, freeze your butt off

ARIZONA:            Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds

ARKANSAS:           At least we're not Mississippi

CALIFORNIA:         The Granola State
                    Nobody's actually from here
                    Fast reloading lanes available
                    The really long state

COLORADO:           Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
                    Official home of the winter ski bunny

CONNECTICUT:        Way too close to New York

DELAWARE:           You'll need a map to find us
                    So close to Washington you can smell it

FLORIDA:            The Gunshine State
                    Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans
                     go to die
                    Senior citizen discounts available
                    Come, enjoy the humidity

                    The snow capital of the US

GEORGIA:            Home of the Rednecks>
                    Gateway to Florida
                    Confederate money wecome

HAWAII:             Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over
                    Book 'em Danno
                    Tom Selik, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise!
                    Come, get lai-ed

IDAHO:              Ain't nothing here
                    We don't care if you spell potato with an "e"
                    Land of a billion "eyes"

ILLINOIS:           Land of the voting dead
                    Gateway to Iowa

INDIANA:            Home of David Letterman

IOWA:               Just east of Omaha
                    It's easy to spell

KANSAS:             Hayfever capital of the Midwest
                    Dole slept here
                    There's no place like home
                    Ya want flat, we got flat

KENTUCKY:           Tobacco is a vegetable
                    We're all related
                    Gateway to Nashville

LOUISIANA:          Swim the beautiful Bayou
                    Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will
                     never hurt you

MAINE:              For Sale
                    You can spit on Canada from here

MARYLAND:           If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us

MASSACHUSETTS:      Home of the young girls from Nantucket,
                     also the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm...

MICHIGAN:           Land of the free, home of the Buick

MINNESOTA:          Not Sweden, but we try to act like it
                    Sure beats Canada

MISSISSIPPI:        We're lucky we can spell it
                    Why would you want to come here?

MISSOURI:           Gateway to Kansas
                    Here's mine, Show Me yours
                    We're better than Illinois

MONTANA:            Land of the Big Sky, and very little else
                    We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods
                    It's where you're wanted.
                    At least our cows are sane.

NEBRASKA:           More corn than Kansas
                    Go to Kansas, turn north

NEVADA:             More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too)
                    2 words - Death Valley
                    3:5 you'll leave broke
                    We have our own nuclear testing site

NEW HAMPSHIRE:      Like Old Hampshire, only newer
                    About as exciting as Vermont

NEW JERSEY:         You have the right to remain silent,
                     You have the right to an attorney...
                    Tell 'em Guido sent ya

NEW MEXICO:         Lizards make excellent pets
                    We have reservations
                    Alien Welcome Center - Roswell

NEW YORK:           At least we're not New Jersey!
                    We're more than a big city; we're a state
                    Like we CARE about a motto
                    English spoken here; sometimes

NORTH CAROLINA:     Five million people; Fifteen last names
                    We're bigger than South Carolina

NORTH DAKOTA:       The OTHER South Dakota

OHIO:               Don't judge us by Cleveland
                    Proud polluters of Lake Erie
                    We're easy to spell

OKLAHOMA:           We're OK, you're NOT!
                    I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto

OREGON:             As pretty as California but not as weird
                    We're not named after a musical instrument
                    You can see the sunset from here

PENNSYLVANIA:       Cook with coal
                    Free lub job with oil change

RHODE ISLAND:       Size ain't everything
                    Nobody famous came from Rhode Island

SOUTH CAROLINA:     Just south of North Carolina

SOUTH DAKOTA:       Closer than North Dakota

TENNESSEE:          The Educashun State
                    Thank goodness we've still got Elvis
                    A great fixer-upper

TEXAS:              Si Hablo Ingles
                    See, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!

UTAH:               Our Jesus is better than your Jesus
                    At least our sheep can't talk

VERMONT:            Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns

VIRGINIA:           Please don't confuse us with West Virginia!

WASHINGTON:         We like our state, so STAY OUT!

WEST VIRGINIA:      Where "family values" has a different meaning

WISCONSIN:          Land of funny accents.
                    Say "Cheeeese"

WYOMING:            Where men are lonely and sheep are scared