As Much Use As...   A one legged man in an arse kicking contest (from Python I think) A chocolate teapot (trad) Milk shoes A nuclear powered computer controlled intercontinental ballistic duck A one to one scale model of the starship Enterprise made out of honey A flammable fire extinguisher A glass cricket bat A gelignite suppository A coal powered frog-violin Granite sugar cubes Pasta audio wire A pastry telephone Ice cream gloves A sugar surf board Spam windscreen wipers A blind lifeguard Wooden soap Shortbread tires A whipped-cream jet engine A knitted light bulb A plate-steel trampoline An invisible traffic light A string hook A bread boat Plasticine wire cutters A neon pink secret door Chocolate staples A lead balloon A paper hole punch A water hat A latex multistory car park A steel reinforced concrete sail A margarine turbocharger Custard floorboards Gravy ceiling tiles A fried motor-boat A mud monitor A chocolate disk A silent telephone A tap-dancing microprocessor controlled portrait of a bowl of soup A velvet TV set A concrete engine A water-proof tea bag An exploding bassoon A stone cigarette Syrup underwear A plastic oven A wax truss A liquorice suspension bridge Soap false teeth Asbestos water wings A lemonade roof Velvet brake-pads A pair of jelly wellingtons A jam cardigan A paper bicycle pump Non-stick sellotape A sponge radar Anti-matter sun-tan lotion Ice-cream saucepans A soluble drain pipe A cubic ball-bearing An inflatable dartboard A soluble lifeboat A glass hammer And a packet of rubber nails Elevator Earth Shoes Heat'n'eat popsicles See-through mirror Revolving basement restaurant G-rated pornflick Economy car conversion - fiberglass VW body on a Porsche chassis Roll-on hairspray Solar-powered foghorn Moped exercycle Objective journalism Braille speedometers A screen door on a submarine An ejector seat in a helicopter Waterproof teabags Solar powered torches Central heated ice-cubes A pocket in a pair of underpants A chocolate dick An astray on a motorbike A sodium submarine Tits on a bull Aka "Mammary glands on the male of the bovine species" A condom with a hole in it A box of matches in the desert

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