Primate Jokes @ LaughNet

Primate Jokes

Where do monkeys pick up wild rumors? Over the apevine.

How do you train King Kong? Hit him with a rolled up newspaper building.

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions. The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?" The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun. The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?". The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle. The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else??". The monkey nods his head and moves his arms back and forth, meaning they were having sex. The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who the hell was driving the damn bus then??" The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides, as if grabbing a wheel.

From Reuters News Service: Gorillas Nico and Samba have been together in southern England for eight years, but have never gotten around to mating. Maybe they don't know how? Keepers note they like to watch TV ("They enjoy wildlife programs," a spokeswoman says), so they are showing the animals some new videotapes, porno movies of American gorillas, in hopes the couple will imitate the acts. No hairy babies yet, though. "There is no sign yet that they have caught on to what it is all about," the spokeswoman said.

News item from the "National Review", Sept. 26, 1994, p.14 (and for our readers from outside the U.S., "National Review" is an extremely sober, conservative magazine concerned mostly with politics: In Guyana, several amazed police officers had to step in to curtail the activities of a monkey who had been breaking into homes, putting on lipstick and condoms, and upsetting people with his lewd gestures. No word about where he got the idea. (Bet he had a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts)

Newswire Item 3/2/94: A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far, six gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition. A Ugandan spokesman stated that this was a person with a truly sick sense of humor. They felt this was a cruel practice, since they had to tranquilize the gorillas again to take the suits off!

This article was added to LaughNet on Wednesday 23 March, 2005.

Save to del.icio.us | Digg this Primate Jokes

Digg this | Google Bookmark Primate Jokes

Google Bookmark this | Add Primate Jokes to Yahoo myWeb

Add to Yahoo