1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps
the building standing. Its called the stock market.

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now
being called Wal-Mart Street.

3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker. The
pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las
Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

  5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the
left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria. if you get any emails from
Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it

7. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one
of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I   won't
know whether that refers to mine or the bank's

*New Stock Market Terms*

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investment
banker to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get
no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as
the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down
the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for
$240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought
Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who should be now
locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use