Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed
specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in the
works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's
new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing
even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make
suggestions. The keys proposed so far are:

1) GPF key -- This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault
when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF
key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an
application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.

2) $$ key -- When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically
from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or
third party intervention.

3) ZD key -- This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft
products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text
which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited.

4) MS key -- This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing for
Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.

5) FUD key -- Some thing to do with the display ... self explanatory.

6) Chicago key -- Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.

7) IBM key -- Searches your hard disk for operating systems or applications
by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is very effective at
removing Netscape).

8) MSN Key -- With a single keystroke you will install and setup the
world's second slowest web access (AOL takes first place). And you thought
it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!

9) RW95 Key -- Stands for Re-install Windows 95. Because it's usually a
weekly ritual for most Win 95 users, why not make it easier?

10) FDISK Key -- Microsoft's new compression utility gives you 100% data
compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all know what
it really stands for.