MEMO-
To:   All Employees
From: CEO  (Chief Executive Officer)
Subject:  REVISED TRAVEL POLICY 

Due to budget constraints, all company travel is subject to the
following changes in policy, effective immediately:

LODGING-
        Employees are to utilize all friends and relatives who live 
in the area you are visiting; if none are available, consider the 
shelters for the homeless which are available in all major cities.  
If weather permits, bridges and overpasses provide very good 
protection from the elements and you have the opportunity to meet 
new friends.  Solar blankets are provided in the new travel packages 
issued to all traveling employees.

MEALS-
        Salad bars are the most effective as one plate will serve 
four persons if no one is watching.  Many grocery stores offer free 
samples, and with creative disguises, you may be able to obtain a 
full meal.  Knowledge of indigenous roots, berries and other food 
sources are encouraged.  Remember to place unknown berries under 
your lip for five minutes to determine if toxic.  If you are 
attending meetings at convention centers or hotels, then visiting 
other meetings at meal times is certainly encouraged.  A selection 
of name badges is available in the new travel package so that you 
will be able to get by any security.

TRAVEL-
        Bus schedules are available in the Corporate Travel offices.
Hitchhiking is a viable consideration and you will find your safety 
vest and sign board in your travel package.  Airline tickets will 
only be issued in extreme circumstances, and then to the most 
economical destination.  

ENTERTAINMENT-
        The handbook "How Not to Pick Up the Cheque", is included in
your package.  Memorize this information......never pick up a cheque
regardless of the embarrassment to yourself or others.

STRICT ADHERENCE TO THIS TRAVEL POLICY IS IMPERATIVE