I must express my gratitude
   for such a lovely gift.
Your thoughtfulness and taste is matched
   only by your thrift.
It's clear that you spared all expense,
   if you catch my drift.
Remove the anti-theft device
   when you again shoplift.


It's Christmas time, and once again,
   the family's gathered 'round.
Uncles, aunts, and cousins come
   to raise a joyful sound.
All that is, except for you,
   whom we can only send this mail.
But we'll save your gifts for fifty years
   till you get out of jail.