I believe that, in general, women are saner than men. For example, If 
you see people who have paid good money to stand in an outdoor 
stadium on a freezing December day wearing nothing on the upper 
halves of their bodies except paint, those people will be male.

Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn 
mower racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the 
annual number of deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of 
heads. Also, if women were in charge of all the world's nations, 
there would be, I sincerely believe this, virtually no military 
conflicts, and if there were a military conflict, everybody involved 
would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange 
of thoughtful notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the 
front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the 
dressing on the side).

So I sincerely believe that women are wiser than men, with the 
exception of one key area, and that area is: clothing sizes. In this 
particular area, women are insane.

When a man shops for clothes, his primary objective is to purchase
clothes that fit on his particular body. A man will try on a pair of 
pants, and if those pants are too small, he'll try on a larger pair, 
and when he finds a pair that fits, he buys them. Most men do not 
spend a lot of time fretting about the size of their pants. Many men 
wear jeans with the size printed right on the back label, so that if 
you're standing behind a man in a supermarket line, you can read his 
waist and inseam size. A man could have, say, a 52-inch waist and a 
30-inch inseam, and his label will proudly display this information, 
which is basically the same thing as having a sign that says: "Howdy! 
My butt is the size of a Federal Express truck!" The situation is 
very different with women.

When a woman shops for clothes, her primary objective is NOT to find
clothes that fit her particular body. She would like for that to be 
the case, but her primary objective is to purchase clothes that are 
the size she wore when she was 19 years old. This will be some 
arbitrary number such as "5" or "7." Don't ask me "5" or "7" of what; 
that question has baffled scientists for centuries. All I know is 
that if a woman was a size 5 at age 19, she wants to be a size 5 now, 
and if a size 5 outfit does not fit her, she will not move on to a 
larger size: She can't! Her size is 5! So she will keep trying on 
size 5 items, and unless they start fitting her, she will become 
extremely unhappy.

She may take this unhappiness out on her husband, who is waiting
patiently in the mall, perhaps browsing in the Sharper Image store, 
trying to think of how he could justify purchasing a pair of night-
vision binoculars.  "Hi!" he'll say, when his wife finds him. "You 
know how sometimes the electricity goes out at night and..." "Am I 
fat?" she'll ask, cutting him off. This is a very bad situation for 
the man, because if he answers "yes," she'll be angry because he's 
saying that she's fat, and if he answers "no," she'll be angry 
because HE'S OBVIOUSLY LYING BECAUSE NONE OF THE SIZE 5s 
FIT HER.

There is no escape for the husband. I think a lot of unexplained
disappearances occur because guys in malls see their wives 
unsuccessfully trying on outfits, and they realize their lives will 
be easier if, before their wives come out and demand to know whether 
they're fat, the guys just run off and join a UFO cult.

The other day my wife, Michelle, was in a terrific mood, and you know
why? Because she had successfully put on a size 6 outfit. She said 
this made her feel wonderful. She said, and this is a direct quote: 
"I wouldn't care if these pants were this big (here she held her arms 
far apart) as long as they have a '6' on them."

Here's how you could get rich: Start a women's clothing store called
"SIZE 2," in which all garments, including those that were originally 

intended to be restaurant awnings, had labels with the words "SIZE 
2."  I bet you'd sell clothes like crazy. You'd probably get rich, 
and you could retire, maybe take up some philanthropic activity to 
benefit humanity. I'm thinking here of professional lawn mower 
racing.