Date: ___________


 Dear Parent(s),

 I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of
 interest to both of us.

 Please send:

 __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______
 __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________
 __ Clean clothes!


 Relationships: 

 __ What?
 __ I am in love with myself
 __ I am in love!
 __ I am engaged
 __ I got married last weekend

 My Roommate: 

 __ Worships the ground I walk on
 __ Gave me a black eye
 __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
 __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
 __ Has fleas

 My Professors are: 

 __ Sadistic water walkers
 __ Mental institution escapees
 __ Brain dead nerds
 __ Super oxygen thieves

 Latest News: 

 __ I wrecked the car
 __ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit
    limit 
 __ You are going to have a grandchild

 __ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild
 
 Food: 

 __ Is great!
 __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
 __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

 Grades: 

 __ I am making all A's
 __ I am not being properly challenged
 __ I will be home after this semester

 I study: 

 __ Night and day
 __ All the time
 __ 80 hours a week
 __ Only on Sunday afternoon
 __ None of the above

 Daily Devotions: 

 __ I read my Bible everyday
 __ I can't read
 __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

 On my last visit home, I left: 

 __ My glasses
 __ My paper that was due yesterday
 __ The clothes you washed for me
 __ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills
 __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
 __ Other _____________________________________________

 Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS
 (Blue) 

 Laundry: 

 __ My white underwear is now _________________
 __ I am saving money by not using detergent
 __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
 __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

 My room: 

 __ Can pass your "white glove" test
 __ Is only _____% full
 __ Could not be located last Saturday night
 __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

 Parties: 

 __ I don't inhale
 __ I only go to meet people
 __ Haven't been to one since this morning

 Hope you: 

 __ Miss me
 __ Can live without me
 __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

 Salutation: 

 __ Your Daughter,
 __ Your Son,
 __ Yours,