1 - If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2 - If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

3 - When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat
    the same amount.

4 - Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories.  This includes
    any chocolate used for energy, brandy, Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten
    whole), and Haagen-Daz Ice Cream.

5 - Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they
    are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's
    personal fuel.  This includes Milk Duds, popcorn with butter,
    Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

6 - Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage
    causes calorie leakage.

7 - If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.

8 - If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get
    walked off.

9 - Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy of Santa.

10 - STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.