The Atlanta School Board is designating Southern slang, or
"Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools.  Here
are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:


HEIDI - noun.  Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.  Remainder of greeting.
   Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
   Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A state just north of Florida.  Capital is
Hot-lanta.
   Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
   Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and
   I ain't herd from him in munts."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
  Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all
  in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
  Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words
  and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
  Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure
  do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
  Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
  Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms
  are tarred."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
  Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are
  rats."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
  Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be
  from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive.
  Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
  Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
  Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
  Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job
  with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction.
  Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.
  Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."