T H E  N I G H T  B E F O R E   *-D-*-*-O-*-*-O-*-*-M-*
            Written by: Hank Leukart (ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu)
            "DOOM: Where the sanest place... is behind a trigger."
                "DOOM: Such mayhem the likes of which have never
                  been witnessed in this particular dimension!"

                         `Twas the night before DOOM,
                          and all through the house,
                   I had set up my multi-playing networks,
                              each with a mouse.
                          The networks were strung,
                           with extra special care
                             in hopes that DOOM,
                             soon would be there.
              The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
             while visions of demons danced through their heads.
                 And my computer's processor it was so quick,
                      boy was I glad I bought that 486.
             When out on the Internet there was a Usenet posting,
                I dialed right in to see what it was boasting.
                 Off to the news reader I flew like a hound,
                 "Oh no," I cried!  The news reader was down!
                 Frustrated, bewildered, feeling really low,
              I leaned back to see what I heard out the window.
                When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
                  but a group of 6 cars, driving 60 I fear!
                With a big young driver, just look at him go!
                 I knew in a moment, it must be John Romero!
                 Over the speed limit, his band of cars came,
            And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
                           "Now, Jay! Now, John!
                            Now, Dave and Kevin!
                           On, Adrian! On, Sandy!
                           On, Shawn and Maurice!"
                         To the top of the driveway!
                             Don't hit that wall!
             Now stop your car, stop your car, stop your car all!
                    Leaving the car, he entered the house,
                Walking quietly, so as to not wake the spouse.
           He was dressed in a T-shirt, and a a pair of jeans too,
                   I was unsure of what he was going to do.
                   Boxes of DOOM he had flung on his back,
             and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
         Those boxes - how they sparkled!  The shrink-wrap so tight!
          The character was drawn on the front, just ready to fight!
                The Chainsaw and Shotgun he held in his hand,
              Where was the BFG9000?: The best gun in the land.
                   And then I saw it, strapped to his back,
                Along with a copy of the "Official" DOOM FAQ!
                A wink of John's eye and a twist of his head,
                 Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
             He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
            Installed it on the network, then turned with a jerk.
                      And placing a hand into his jeans,
                   out came his keys - oh how they gleamed!
             He sprang to his car, to the id team gave a whistle,
         and away they all drove, like DOOM's launching of a missile.
             But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
                 "DEMONS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A HELLISH NIGHT!