What happened to the frog when he parked on double yellow lines?
He got toad away.

What do you get if you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frost-bite.

Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?
Where you left it.

What is Dracula's favourite pudding?
I scream.

What's yellow, full of holes and holds water?
A wet sponge.

If you have a referee in boxing, a referee in soccer and a referee in
rugby, what do you have in bowls?
Prunes and custard.

Where did the baby ear of corn come from?
The stalk brought her.

Why are robots never afraid?
Because they have nerves of steel.

Why was the farmer hopping mad?
Because someone stepped on his corn.

What's the best butter in the world?
A goat.

Why did the chicken run on to the soccer pitch?
Because the referee blew for a fowl.

When is a plum pudding musical?
When it's piping hot.

What is small and wobbly and sits in a pram?
A jelly baby.

What bus sailed the ocean?
Colum-bus.

Who are safe when a man-eating tiger is on the loose?
Women and children.

What singing birds come from Cornwall?
The Parrots of Penzance.

Why did the witch put her broom in the washing machine?
She wanted a clean sweep.

Where do frogs go when they've got bad eye-sight?
To a hoptician.

There were two tomatoes on horseback, which one was the cowboy?
Neither. They were both redskins.

What does a vegetarian vampire eat?
Blood oranges.

What's a lawyer's favourite pudding?
Sue-it.

What's a frog's favourite drink?
Croaka-cola.

What's a chicken's favourite cake?
A layer cake.

What do you call a Welsh biscuit?
Dai-gestive.

What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley.

What stands on one leg and has a heart on its head?
A cabbage.

How do people eat cheese in Wales?
Caerphilly.

What's cold and comes in tins?
Chilli beans.

What is yellow and fills fields with music?
Pop corn.

What swims and gives milk?
A milk float.

What's doughy and 50 metres high?
The leaning tower of Pizza.

Why do toadstools grow close together?
Because they don't need mushroom.

What tree has the best food?
A pantry.