a.. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want
all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to
copulate me."

  b.. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

  c.. And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own
mother to win the Super Bowl,"

  d.. Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

  e.. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in
football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

  f.. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his
wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn
ugly to kiss goodbye."

  g.. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going
to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

  h.. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys lineup,
alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three, then
line up in a circle."

  i.. Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because
of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a
professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on
stuff I haven't been through in school."

  j.. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter
Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to
prison for three years, not Princeton."

  k.. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a
color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to
spell my name, I can still find my @#%#%@ clothes."

  l.. Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his
visit to Greece:"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went
to."

  m.. Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every
level, except college and pro."

  n.. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the
morning regardless of what time it is".

  o.. "Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27
record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager,
I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992)

  p.. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to
Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's
expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
(1982)

  q.. Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born
pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming
contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981)

  r.. Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of
Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One
player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a
nose in condition for football?" (1966)

  s.. Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's
co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto
the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the
injured reserve players out for the toss next time." (1981)

  t.. Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire
at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was
that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

  u.. (1991) Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss
what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy
officiating." (1986)

  v.. Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed
to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)

  w.. Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote:
"I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996)

  x.. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him,
'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I
don't know and I don't care.'" (1991)

  y.. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John
Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." (1991)

  z.. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told
a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're
spending too much time on one subject."