* A "handicapped golfer" is a man who plays golf with his wife.
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* I have a nephew who's so good at golf, he's been offered a full
  scholarship to medical school.
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* Then there was the golfer who was sentenced to be hanged.  He
  asked the warden if he could take a few practice swings first.
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* Just think guys, a golfer can spend the entire weekend with a
  bunch of "hookers" and his wife isn't the least bit concerned.
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* Basically, golf has made more liars out of Americans than all
  of the Income Tax forms ever filed.
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* Contrary to popular belief avid golfers do not lie all the time.
  Anytime one golfer calls another a "liar" they're probably
  telling the truth.
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* Some people just have to cheat all the time when it comes to
  recording the number of strokes on their golf cards.  I knew
  one fellow who got a hole-in-one and entered "zero" on his card.
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*   Although not condoned, it was well known within the Maryland
  State Highway that sometimes people would "sneak-away" for a
  game of golf during the day.
    I had forgotten which course my friend Dan said to meet him
  on and called, only to have his secretary said, "I'm sorry he's
  away from his desk right now."
    Knowing she'd never admit where he really was, I asked, "Tell
  me, is he 10 miles way from his desk or 22 miles away?"