A radio station ran a phone-in competition to find the most
embarrassing moment in listener's lives. The final four were: 4th
Place. "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally
able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start
behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she
looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you
don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing
Daddy's willy last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the
silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me
were screams of laughter.

3rd Place. "It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at
home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my
girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after
making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to
my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride down to the phone.
Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get
dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly
came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family
- parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends,
were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a
state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.

2nd Place. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When
she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items
had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system,
which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, "Price check
for Tampax supersize". But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the
store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', and
replied in a business like tone, his voice booming over the same
public address system: "Do you want the kind you push in with your
thumb or the kind one you belt in with a hammer ?"

1st Place. And the winner is . . . This happened at a major Australian
University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the
high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and
asked, "If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much
glucose in male semen as in sugar?" The professor responded, "yes,
that's correct", adding some statistical data to his lecture. Raising
her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet ?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor
girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had
inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another word,
walked out of the class - and never returned. However, as she was
heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally
straight faced, he answered her question. "It doesn't taste sweet
because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and
not in the back of your throat.