Orlando - The Disney Company has unveiled plans to open a new resort 
for those in the law profession. The CEO of Disney said, "Considering 
that there are 3 lawyers for every person on the planet, we see this 
as an untapped market."

The resort, based on Johnston Island, is the former nuclear test site 
during the 1940's through the 1960's. The island, bought by Disney in 
1990, was originally planned to be a stop on their new cruse line.  
But their hopes went up in a mushroom cloud when they discovered that 
the radiation on the island was so bad that only lower life forms 
could survive, opening up the idea of the resort for lawyers. 

The resort, to open in July 1999, will offer much in the line of 
recreation.  There are daily ambulance chases with cash prizes. Plus 
there are lectures on everything from "How to squeeze more out of OJ" 
to "How to get the most for your soul."

After Disney went public with their plans, many people started to 
think about whether to resume nuclear testing on the island. But 
others say that the testing would only make lawyers stronger, 
"Lawyers already can withstand the subarctic temperatures of their 
hearts. The last thing we need is for them to also be able to 
withstand 2 million degree temperatures," said one person.
While others think that the intense heat and lethal radiation will 
help lawyers get used to the environment, which they will experience 
during there eternal damnation. 

Bill Clinton, bucking to public pressure, has said that he will start 
nuclear testing as soon as the resort is done.  "I was skeptical at 
first, but then I remembered that Hillary was a lawyer so I quickly 
was in favor."