In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona
Case No. B19293, Judge Joan Kujava, Presiding

Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff
-v.-
Acme Company, Defendant

Opening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote:

     My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous 
states, does hearby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, 
manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated 
in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory.  
Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, 
and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross 
negligence of said company, under  Title 15 of the United States Code, 
Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a),  relating to product liability.
     
     Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has 
purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that 
company`s mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily 
injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling.  Sales 
slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the 
possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A.  Such injuries sustained by Mr. 
Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his 
profession of predator.  Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible 
for Workmen`s Compensation.  

      Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via 
parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled.  The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the 
Rocket sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey.  Upon receipt of the Rocket 
Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and sighting his 
prey in the distance, activated the ignition.  As Mr. Coyote gripped the 
handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate 
force as to stretch Mr. Coyote`s forelimbs to a length of fifty feet.   
Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote`s body shot forward with a violent jolt, 
causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly 
astride the Rocket Sled.  Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to 
leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought 
Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey.  At that moment the animal he was pursuing 
veered sharply to the right.  Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this 
maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly designed steering on the Rocket 
Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking system.  Shortly thereafter, the 
unchecked  progress of the Rocket Sled brought it and Mr. Coyote into 
collision with the side of a mesa.

      Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B), 
prepared by Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures, 
contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this 
collision.  Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head 
(excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four 
legs.

      Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to 
support himself.  With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid to 
mobility one pair of Acme Rocket Skates.  When he attempted to use this 
product, however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to 
that which  occurred with the Rocket Sled.  Again, Defendant sold over the 
counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in 
this case, two) to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for 
passenger safety.   Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control 
of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a 
roadside billboard so violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his full 
silhouette.
      
      Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this 
document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: 
the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. 
(For a full listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalog and attached 
deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.)  Indeed, it is safe to say 
that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed 
in an expected manner.  To cite just one example: At the expense of much time 
and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a 
wooden trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiraling downward around 
it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor.  The trough 
was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by 
Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation 
indicated by the X.  Mr. Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly 
on the X, and then, carrying the spherical Acme Bomb (Catalog #78-832), 
climbed to the top of the butte.  Mr. Coyote`s prey, seeing the birdseed,  
approached, and Mr. Coyote proceeded to light the fuse.  In an instant, the 
fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate.
      
      In addition to reducing all Mr. Coyote`s careful preparations to naught, 
the premature detonation of Defendant`s product resulted in the following 
disfigurements to Mr. Coyote:
  
  1.  Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck, and muzzle.
  2.  Sooty discoloration.
  3.  Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in the
      aftershock with a creaking noise.
  4.  Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking, frazzling, and
      ashy disintegration.
  5.  Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.


      We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes.  The remains of a pair of  
These purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff`s Exhibit D.  
Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the 
University of California at Santa Barbara for analysis, but to date, no  
explanation has been found for this product`s sudden and extreme malfunction.   
As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two 
wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile 
strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with 
a lanyard release.  Mr. Coyote believed that this product would enable him to 
pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes 
are at a  premium.
     
      To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote 
affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder.  Adjacent to 
the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote`s prey was known to frequent.  Mr. 
Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in 
readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release.  Within a 
short time Mr.  Coyote`s prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him.  
Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the 
springs at full  extension.  Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and 
proceeded to pull the  lanyard release.

      At this point, Defendant`s product should have thrust Mr. Coyote 
forward  and away from the boulder.  Instead, for reasons yet unknown, the 
Acme Spring- Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from Mr. Coyote.  As the 
intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in air.  Then the 
twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent feet-first collision 
with the  boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon 
his lower extremities.

      The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon 
Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward.  A second recoil and collision followed.  The 
boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce 
down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its  
velocity.  At each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or 
the boulder cam into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with 
the ground.  As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some 
time.

      The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. 
Coyote, vix., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue, 
reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of vertebrae from 
base of tail to head.  Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a 
series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote`s body tissues-- a rare and 
painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and  contract 
downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key,  accordionlike 
wheezing with every step.  The distracting and embarrassing  nature of this 
symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote`s pursuit of a normal 
social life.

      As the court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly of 
manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work.  It is our 
contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment of  
the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant kites, 
Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot-long rubber bands.  Much 
as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote has no other 
domestic source of supply to which to turn.  One can only wonder what our  
trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, 
where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most 
reckless and wrongful manner over and over again.

      Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger  
economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of seventeen 
million dollars.  In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages (missed meals, 
medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation) of one million 
dollars; general damages (mental suffering, injury to reputation) of twenty 
million dollars; and attorney's fees of seven hundred and fifty thousand 
dollars.  By awarding Mr. Coyote the full amount, this Court will censure 
Defendant, its directors, officers, shareholders, successors, and assigns, 
in the only language they understand, and reaffirm the right of the 
individual predator to equal protection under the law.