TONGUE: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line
 between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

YOGURT: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and
 fermented milk.  Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the
 same as they sound.  The other two are goulash and squid.

RECIPE: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you
 forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

PORRIDGE: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were
 granted the right to sue their parents.  The name is an amalgamation of the
 words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

PREHEAT: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking
 a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well
 as when it is removed.

OVEN: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat
 and poultry.

MICROWAVE OVEN: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar
 to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking
 compartment.

CALORIE: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the
 average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

ARAB COFFEE: Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in tiny cups
 at gunpoint.