M.I.T.:     "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend."
	    "Have some fries."

Caltech:    "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend."
	    "Have some fries."

Yale:       "I got mugged on the way to class today."
	    "Have some fries."

Brown:      "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith."
	    "Cool! Me too! Have some fries."

Swarthmore: "I got a B."
	    "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."

Princeton:  "My father took away my Porsche this weekend."
	    "Poor dear. Have some Escargot."

Harvard:    "Did you do anything this weekend?"
	    "Nope. Have some fries."

Williams:   "Don't I know you?"
	    "Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."
	
Cornell:    "I killed my lab partner this weekend."
	    "Bummer. Have some fries."

Vassar:     "I'm totally stressed and, by the way, I'm gay."
	    "Ditto. Have some fries."

Columbia:   "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school."
	    "Me too. Let's go get shot."

Penn:       "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school."
	    "Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."

Stanford:   "Dude, I have so much work this weekend."
	    "Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries."

Dartmouth:  "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend. It was fuckin awesome."
	    "Have some beer."

Wellesley:  "God I'm desperate."
	    "Me too. Have some fries."

Tufts:      "I wish I were Ivy League."
	    "Here, drink the fry grease."

Brought to you by JLHBach
"He who laughs last didn't get the joke right away." --JLHBach