|
The Giant List of Toilet Graffiti
Compiled by Mark Walsh (mswalsh@cats.ucsc.edu) with a little help from his
net.friends...
From: DURITSA@calvin.cc.duq.edu
You probably already have this one, but just in case you don't....
If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be neat
And wipe the seat.
From a ladies room somewhere in Pennsylvania......
From: Tom Cowan [popcorn@crl.com]
Well here are just a few grout writing examples off the top of my head. Hope
there are a few new ones for you...
The Grout Divide
Down and Grout
Grout of sight, Grout of mind
Groutul Dead
Saur Grout
Grout Expectations
Grout Googly Moogly
The Grout Groutdoors
Sometimes a Grout Notion
Grout Expectations
Three Strikes Your Grout
From: SCOTT [SSJORDAN@utxvms.cc.utexas.edu]
"Ambiguity is the Devil's Tether-ball"
- The Crown and Anchor Pub, Austin TX (1990-1992)
From: Christ van Willegen [rcsacw@urc.tue.nl]
I sit here and contemplate
Should I shit or masturbate
Found in a toilet in my old school, somewhere in The Netherlands, in the
city of Venlo
From: hm@star.rl.ac.uk (Huw Morris)
God knows why you're doing this, but...
"I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed a partition." :-)
From: mr27092@fmrco.com (David P. Hayes)
U of Vt. library men's room:
It is holy and devout to write graffiti in the grout.
From: kst@alsys.com (Keith Thompson @pulsar)
Where: Men's restroom, Hamburguesa restaurant, Old Town, San Diego, CA
(The restaurant has since changed its name; I don't remember the
current name).
When: A couple of years ago, maybe??
What: The paper towel dispenser had the usual "Wash your Hands" / "Lavese
las Manos" sign on it. Below "Lavese las Manos", someone had
written "... and his big-band sound".
From: BROBBINS@admin.cabot.nf.ca
My favorite little anecdote, which I saw written on the toilet stall wall in
the Engineering Building on the campus of Memorial University of Newfoundland
located in St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada, is as follows:
"I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER!" - to which someone else wrote:
"GO HOME DAD YOU'RE DRUNK!"
From: evansb@pairgain.com (Bill Evans)
"Richard Nixon should pull out before it's too late, just
like his father should've."
Humanities Hall, second floor, men's room, U.C. Irvine,
early to middle 1970's.
From: rumley@netcom.com (Richard Rumley)
Seen in the school restroom in a small town in Montana:
'If you can pee above this line, the West Yellowstone Fire Department
wants you!'
From: dmarti@sun1.iusb.indiana.edu (Don Marti)
Here I sit
In Noxious Vapor
Someone has used all the paper
I'm late for class
I cannot linger
Look out ass
Here comes my finger.
Ballantine Hall, IU-Bloomington
From: jonk@maple.circa.ufl.edu
1) In front of urinal at Baked in Telluride (CO): "Dont look now but
you've got your best friend by the neck"
2) Not sure of location: " If black is beuatiful, I just shit a
masterpiece"
3) Also not sure of location, although I think it was in Telluride as
well: " Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted"
From: Joseph Crowe [jcrowe@mpd.tandem.com]
From the restroom of Maggie Mae's, 6th St., Austin TX.
Why can't we just all get a bong...
From the restroom of some nameless crawfish restaurant in the middle
of nowhere off of I-10 in southern Louisiana:
Nixon did for America what pantyhose did for finger fucking....
From: Philippe Benichou [benichop@sunrise.cse.fau.edu]
Imagine you are reading this as you are trying to take a dump...
Eat shit! 1.9 trillion flies (estimated population of flies) can't be ALL wrong.
From: Roger Myhre [myhre@oslonett.no]
This toilettpaper is like Clint Eastwood, though and hard,
and takes no shit.
From: "Gerhardt, Lynne" [ADLG%NMUMUS.bitnet@vm42.cso.uiuc.edu]
My personal favorite:
"My mother made me a whore"
and someone had added:
"If I give her the yarn, will she make me one too?"
From: asar@isi.com (Kumar Asar x552)
Location: University of Austin, Texas. Taylor building (I think - it was a
long time back). Computing Center.
Graffiti: Next to the toilet paper: "UT degree - please take one"
From: spvs@warthog.ru.ac.za (MR V SONNE)
All are sort of traditional in mens rest rooms in the UK.
1)"Life's like a pubic hair on toilet bowl - you soon get pissed off"
2)Written above head height in the urinals:
"If you can piss this far you should join the fire brigade"
3)If mens brains were as big as their balls
there would be a lot less writing on toilet walls.
4) Also written on the urinals:
"Remember - more than three shakes is a wank"
5)One more from the urinals:
"No matter how much you shake your peg
The last drop always runs down your leg"
From: billwill@netcom.com (William Smithers)
"Don't throw cigarette butts in the urinal, as it makes them
soggy and hard to light."
From: jamesr@uts.amdahl.com (Jim Richard)
Marx didn't know that Bismarck would invent unemployment insurance.
-Dwinelle Hall, U.C. Berkeley
When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like grandfather.
Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
In Golden Gate Park:
Arrest Nixon for the assassination of JFK! Listen to the tapes!
Shortly after Nixon died, someone wrote underneath this:
Nevermind.
From: John Griffin [oldguy@hebron.connected.com]
Seen (not by me) in the women's room at the Inside Passage tavern in
Seattle, around 1972:
ANAL INTERCOURSE IS FOR ASSHOLES
From: Klaas [kdjong@bio.vu.nl]
I remember a line on a toilet in an inn on Texel (a famous(?) Dutch island)
which was written just under the ceiling under a line and it said: Who ever
can piss above this line is requested to the local fire department.
Well, actually it was written in Dutch, but the translation will be better
understandable for you. If you'r interested, the original line is: Wie
boven deze lijn kan pissen, wordt verzocht zich te melden bij de
plaatselijke brandweer.
And on my high school in my home town, Zwijndrecht, the Netherlands, there
was a line in English:
Some come here to sit and think, others come to shit and stink, I've come
here to scratch my balls and write some bullshit on the walls.
And another one, I don't remember where it was, but it was written very low
on the left wall and said something like: If you read this, you're pissing
on your right shoe.
Since a couple of months the light in the toilets of our university
(Department of Biology, Free University Amsterdam, the Netherlands) go out
automatically and unfortunately this will happen if you are sitting down
for over three minutes. So, somebody wrote on the door (in Dutch): Do you
also think the light is going out too soon?
And somebody else wrote under that: No, you have to learn to let go.
In Dutch this is: Vind je ook dat het licht zo snel uitgaat?
Nee, je moet leren loslaten.
From: "jonathan (j.) harrod" [jharrod@bnr.ca]
"Jesus saves souls,
and turns them in for fabulous cash prizes!"
Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.
"Kirk Out"
Written above a urinal, Gingerman, Austin, Tx.
"668, the neighbor of the beast"
Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.
"Save the whales - collect the whole set"
Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.
Here's one that had a lot of additions to it, which I'll try to represent
with little arrows. I hope it comes across clear enough. It's a good
example of people reading things differently (mind you, the original graffiti
was somewhat sloppy, allowing for the subsequent "discussion"). Oh yeah,
it starts with "A guy goes...".
Is that an "i" or an "o"? ___
|
___Is that a "u" or an "a"? [--I can't believe how blind you are
|
A guy goes to lunch with his mother
what he means to say is "pass the butter"
but what comes out is "you f&#&*ed up my life you bitch"
It all comes from the Crown & Anchor in Austin, Tx. I hope you can follow
it. It's pretty funny when you're there (and drunk).
From: JMP100S@oduvm.cc.odu.edu
Two of my favorites.
In the computer centers mens bathroom:
"For a Good Time - Email mac100s@oduvm"
From: ST4I1@Jetson.UH.EDU
This probably isn't what you're looking for (ther isn't much to analyze ling-
uistically), but my personal favorite in this genre is from Kurt Vonnegut's
_God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater_:
People who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit into little balls.
Those who read their words of wit,
eat those little balls of shit.
From: Steve Kelem [kelem@xilinx.com]
Seen in the mens' room in a women's dorm at USC:
"Just think of the miles of Fallopian tubes that surround you that you won't
be able to get near."
From: ara@mvuas.att.com
the ultimate is: "stamp out graffiti"
From: cunningm@gusun.acc.georgetown.edu
I go (went) to Georgetown University, and in the Men's bathroom of
Lauinger Library there are a whole bunch of GROUT sayings.:
in the Intercultural Center on the first floor, on the floor between two
stalls, it reads:
"tap foot. if other person taps back, kneel under for j.o. or
b.j"
In New South (a dorm) in a bathroom stall it reads: "I'm so handsome"
also in New South : "Poke Smot" accompanied by a smiley face--
From: jammin@hogbbs.scol.pa.us (Ben Barrett)
"What [the fuck] are you looking up here for;
the joke's in your hand."
-written 6 to 6 1/2 feet up a wall above a urinal.
From: cousins@pairgain.com (Cliff Cousins)
I used to work for TRW in Redondo Beach. One day I saw the largest collection of "grout
sayings" ever ... The interesting thing to me was that the grout wasn't very wide ... more like a
line. So the grout sayings all included some reference to "lines" These were written both in the
vertical and horizontal spaces. A few I remember are:
Reply line ...
Hold the line ...
don't feed me a line ...
bus line ...
What's my line ???
End of the line ...
etc.
From: Todd.J.Levy@um.cc.umich.edu
"JESUS SAVES " and underneath someone wrote in pencil
"Gretsky rebounds...wrap-around..He shoots, he scores."
From: Eugene Ehrbar [maxehr@acpub.duke.edu]
My current
favorite bathroom graffiti (besides the obligatory wallborn personal ads
penned by gays) is a recent exchange posted on the wall of the first floor
men's room in Perkins Library. The "bait" reads "Fight for the rights of
the pansexual." After the usual bible-beater remarks about how
homosexuality is a sin, and all pansexuals will therefore burn in hell,
there was a string of humorous responses. The first was "Does that mean
you fuck a little guy with hooves and a flute?" they followed:
"or does he fuck you?"
"and what role, if any, is played by the flute?"
"It plays an octave, albeit minor, role."
...so you can do what you like with that.
Another constant source of bathroom prose is the men's stall in the Duke
Coffehouse, my place of employment. (In terms of more grand-scale mural
decoration, the warehouse-like interior of the Coffeehouse was recenly
team-graffitied by a gang of certifiable nocturnal freaks. The ensuing art
was quite inspired :) but I digress...) The bathroom first began to show
signs of habitation (I like to think of it like cave paintings...) my
freshman year. Tags may have dated before my arrival, but the stall had
apparently been recently painted over upon my arrival. One sequence
started with:
ROSS PEROT
~anagram~
SORE SPORT
Someone else continued:
~anagram~
SPORE SORT
~anagram~
PROSE ROTS
~anagram~
TORR POSSE
~anagram~
ROOT PRESS
At this point it became ridiculous.
Another scrawler had written:
"Don't try to decribe the ocean if you've never seen it." (a Jimmy Buffett
quote) to which someone else replied "It's no larger than the space
between your ears". This was followed by "You too, my friend; you're so
deep you're drowning".
In the third floor bathroom of the Student Center, one squatter scrawled:
"Insanity is to art what garlic is to salad."
to which someone replied:
"Waiter, there's too much garlic in my salad."
From: Hroom@aol.com
My favorite shitter at my old high school was the official racism/hate forum.
I'll try to reconstruct what most of the messages read:
"White Power
{white power symbol}
Take the power back"
There were also a few drug-related scrawlings, which consisted of a large
mandala which said in large letters 'Smoke Pot,' and the following two
messages:
"50% of the students here smoke marijuana"
and in response to this was written (with an arrow):
"That's why PSHS is only ranked {some number} in the nation"
(PSHS=Plano Senior High School)
From: "Josh Piven[Shopper]" [72241.2312@CompuServe.COM]
Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands," someone scribbled "I waited
and waited, but I finally washed them myself." Not that great, but okay.
This one, however, is classic:
From: mcintyre@indial1.io.com (Michael Stewart mcintyre@io.com)
UT Campus Austin, TX -
urine the bathroom.
urine trouble.
Look what a mess urine.
From: wotnow@mace.cc.purdue.edu (James A. Gardner)
Seen in a local bar, recently:
"For a good time, call ###-#### and
ask for Mary. For a BAD time, tell
Mary where you got this number."
From: Oregon Episcopal School [oespeter@CLASS.ORG]
how bout this little ditty discovered in a public toilet in London?
As you sit to take a shit
Rest a while and think a bit,
The last time that I beat my meat,
Was on this very toilet seat.
From: bomcco01@engr.uky.edu (Bart O McCoy)
Restroom grafitti:
(male only- written above urinal)
"Stand close. It's shorter than you think."
From: rachelg@qualix.com (Rachel Goodman)
A guy told me about this piece of graffiti he saw in a bathroom. He was sitting
down doing this business, and he saw some very small writing on the bottom of
the door. So he bent over to read it. It read " If you can read this, you're
shitting at a 45 degree angle!!
From: kevin@niko.unl.edu (Kevin C. Clements)
As a boy, my Dad used to fish off the end of a pier in the San
Fransisco Bay. There was an old-style outhouse (no longer there) on
the pier, put there by the owner. Apparently the owner got tired of
people making a mess of his outhouse, so he wrote the following on the
wall inside:
If you shit
upon the floor,
I will lock
the shithouse door.
-- Owner
A person who apparently had frequent need to visit the outhouse
responded below the owner's message with:
If the shithouse
door you lock,
I'll throw your shithouse
off the dock.
|
