Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.

Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day.

On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push

Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and  take appropriate action

Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

Scientist's Door: Gone Fission

Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff.

Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels.

Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.

Hotel: Help! We need inn - experienced people.

Butcher's Window: Pleased to meat you.

Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman,and the 2nd one just left.

Veterinarians Waiting Room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

The Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill.  However, if you don't, you will be.

Beauty Shop: Dye now!

Garbage Truck: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Computer Store: Out for a quick byte

Diner Window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

Music Library: Bach in a minuet.

Funeral Home: Drive carefully, we'll wait.