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The following were actually taken from recent classified ads
in newspapers:
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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
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AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
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TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN
1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
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STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
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FREE PUPPIES:
= COCKER SPANIEL -
= SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE
DOG.
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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
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FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
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FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2
BATH HOME.
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FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
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NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED
CALL CHUBBIE
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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
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SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.
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HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE
HAVE IT!"
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GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 =
BOTTLES OF BEER.
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HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
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GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED
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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
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AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
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NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE
PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE:
PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN
MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
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OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100%
ITALIAN LEATHER.
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
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LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO
REMEMBER
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GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
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GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL. (Hooray! Now if only someone
would light a
match...)
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BAR S SLICED BALOGNA - REGULAR OR TASTY
SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2
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OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
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