written by Adam Lasnik


Psychology:  Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his
               Mother.

Sociology:  Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.

Religion:  Each prays for reconcilliation and/or curses God

Archaeology:  One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying
                to dig it up.

Theatre:  "OH MY GOD!  Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"

Biology:  "You just wanted to get in my genes!"

Physics:  Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come
            down.

Journalism:  "Today was the end of an era.  Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called
               an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."

Women's Studies:  "HE did it!"

Business:  Both decide that they're spending way too much money together,
             and that it's simply cheaper to be single.

Italian:  "Mama Mia!"

History:  Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other
            party did in the past.

Geography:  Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other.

Anatomy:  "I never liked your body anyway."

Economics:  One party demands more than the other can supply.

English:  Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete with
            introduction, thesis, body, and conclusion, that doesn't really
            say anything substantively intelligible.

Education:  Both concede that the relationship was a learning experience.

Computing:  "Man, this bytes -- we just couldn't interface"  and/or "His
              hard drive was more like a floppy."

E. Engineer:  "It's just so shocking... I'm sure there are positives and
	         negatives, but..." [okay, yes, I know you're groaning ;-)]

Architecture:  "There just wasn't much to build on anyway..."

Jewish Studies:  "OY!  You should feel so guilty!"

Philosophy:  If 2 people break up in a dorm and there's no one to witness
               the breakup, are they really single?

Zoology:  They were able to mate like banshees, but lacked sophisticated
	    communication skills.

Phys. Ed.:  They punch each other out in frustration.

Chemistry:  They turn to hard drugs to relieve the pain.

Counseling:  Each urges the other to "get help!"

Music:  Each utilizes an operatic lament (or, in Tennessee, a country song)
	  to express his or her sorrow.

Law:  They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement.