Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park?  (Home of the San Francisco Giants)
Because of all the Giant Fans!



        A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to
have a talk with him.  "I've figured out your problem," he told the young
southpaw.  "You always lose control at the same point in every game."
   "When is that?"
   "Right after the National Anthem."



What is the difference between baseball and law?
In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.



A baseball player is sitting on the bench along with the coach.  Suddenly, the
coach starts saying, "Germany, Italy, Spain, Britain."  The guy looks at him and
says, "Huh?" to which the coach replies... "Europe!"



What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?
Babe Root.



This story was related by a baseball announcer, who attributed it to Honus
Wagner.

Way back when Honus played, they didn't have stadium lights and when it got
dark, you couldn't see what you were doing very well.  One time, he was playing
in the outfield and the ball was hit his way, but he just lost it in the
darkness.  Fortunately, a rabbit was running by at the time and he grabbed it
and threw it to first for the out.

This was the very first time anyone was ever thrown out by a hare.



Great baseball quotes, from the Long Beach (CA) Independent Press-Telegram,
March 22, 1989

It's a weird scene.  You win a few baseball games and all of a sudden, you're
surrounded by reporters an TV men with cameras asking you about Vietnam and
race relations.  - Vida Blue, 1971

I watch a lot of baseball on the radio.  - Gerald Ford, 1978

It's a beautiful day for a night game.  - Announcer Frankie Frisch

The most important things in life are good friends and a strong bull pen.  -
Pitcher Bob Lemon, 1981 -

Well, that kind of puts a damper on another Yankees win.  - Announcer Phil
Rizzuto, after a news bulletin reporting the death of Pope Paul VI, 1978

It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then I'd probably have seen a lot more
of my husband.  - Karolyn Rose, ex-wife of Pete Rose, 1981

They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at time was in Brooklyn  -
Casey Stengel, 1962

I won't play for a penny less than $1500.  - Honus Wagner, turning down an offer
of $2000



Casey Stengel Quotes

Being with a woman never hurt no professional baseball player.  It's staying up
   all night looking for a woman that does him in.
If you hit a home run, you can take your time running the bases.
The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who
   are undecided.



Yogi Berra Quotes
     

     
   Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
     
   Baseball is 90 percent mental.  The other half is physical.
     
   Because it gets late early., on why it's so tough to play left field in Yankee
   stadium.
     
   If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them.
     
   It ain't over till it's over.
     
   It's deja vu all over again.
     
   No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded.
     
   We have very deep depth!
     
   We made too many wrong mistakes.
     
   You can observe a lot by just watching.
     
   You don't look so hot, either.  (on being told by the mayor's wife that he
   looked cool, despite the heat.)
     




   A small social club was trying to organize a baseball team.  They could only
muster eight players, but were hard put to find a ninth.  In desperation, they
called on a new member, an Englishman, to join their team.
   During their first game, the Englishman came to bat.  On the first pitch, he
knocked the ball out of the park.
   "Run!" his teammates cried.  "For Pete's sake, run!"
   The Brit turned and stared at them icily.  "I jolly well shan't run," he
replied.  "Why should I?  I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball."



The rumor is that Pete Rose is thinking of moving to Seattle.  Yes, he wants to
get as far away from professional baseball as possible.  (The Seattle team has
had seven consecutive losing seasons.)



Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the
maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in
case of emergency.  As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty good
baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know for sure
because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over from, say,
right field, to deal with it.  She's been on the team for three seasons now, but
the males still don't trust her.  They know, deep in their souls, that if she
had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she
probably would elect to save the infant's life, without ever considering whether
there were men on base.  - Dave Barry, "Sports Is A Drag"



Confucius say that baseball very funny game; man can walk on 4 balls.



From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994

Top Ten Baseball Player Demands

[In case anyone has od'ed on O.J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for
some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.]

10. No team flights on Continental Airlines.
 9. Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros.
 8. Make it legal to cork their pants.
 7. Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers.
 6. No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live
    reports tonight from Calvert]
 5. Two words: Streisand tickets.
 4. Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie".
 3. Plenty of dugout Slimfast.
 2. Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed.
 1. More games against the Mets.



Heard on Jay Leno:

And here in L.A., there's talk of a teachers' strike.  You know, if they ever
strike, here's what they should do:  The striking teachers and the striking
baseball players should switch jobs.  You see, this way, the teachers would get
paid what they deserve, and the players would get paid what they deserve.



From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995

Top Ten Signs You're Not Watching A Real Baseball Team

10. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes
    earlier.
 9. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
 8. They keep shouting "Do over!"
 7. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking
    French.
 6. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
 5. First base: Siskel.  Second base: Ebert.
 4. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!"
 3. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
 2. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!"
 1. They play like the Mets