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As Much Use As...

 

  • A one legged man in an arse kicking contest (from Python I think)
  • A chocolate teapot (trad)
  • Milk shoes
  • A nuclear powered computer controlled intercontinental ballistic duck
  • A one to one scale model of the starship Enterprise made out of honey
  • A flammable fire extinguisher
  • A glass cricket bat
  • A gelignite suppository
  • A coal powered frog-violin
  • Granite sugar cubes
  • Pasta audio wire
  • A pastry telephone
  • Ice cream gloves
  • A sugar surf board
  • Spam windscreen wipers
  • A blind lifeguard
  • Wooden soap
  • Shortbread tires
  • A whipped-cream jet engine
  • A knitted light bulb
  • A plate-steel trampoline
  • An invisible traffic light
  • A string hook
  • A bread boat
  • Plasticine wire cutters
  • A neon pink secret door
  • Chocolate staples
  • A lead balloon
  • A paper hole punch
  • A water hat
  • A latex multistory car park
  • A steel reinforced concrete sail
  • A margarine turbocharger
  • Custard floorboards
  • Gravy ceiling tiles
  • A fried motor-boat
  • A mud monitor
  • A chocolate disk
  • A silent telephone
  • A tap-dancing microprocessor controlled portrait of a bowl of soup
  • A velvet TV set
  • A concrete engine
  • A water-proof tea bag
  • An exploding bassoon
  • A stone cigarette
  • Syrup underwear
  • A plastic oven
  • A wax truss
  • A liquorice suspension bridge
  • Soap false teeth
  • Asbestos water wings
  • A lemonade roof
  • Velvet brake-pads
  • A pair of jelly wellingtons
  • A jam cardigan
  • A paper bicycle pump
  • Non-stick sellotape
  • A sponge radar
  • Anti-matter sun-tan lotion
  • Ice-cream saucepans
  • A soluble drain pipe
  • A cubic ball-bearing
  • An inflatable dartboard
  • A soluble lifeboat
  • A glass hammer
  • And a packet of rubber nails
  • Elevator Earth Shoes
  • Heat'n'eat popsicles
  • See-through mirror
  • Revolving basement restaurant
  • G-rated pornflick
  • Economy car conversion - fiberglass VW body on a Porsche chassis
  • Roll-on hairspray
  • Solar-powered foghorn
  • Moped exercycle
  • Objective journalism
  • Braille speedometers
  • A screen door on a submarine
  • An ejector seat in a helicopter
  • Waterproof teabags
  • Solar powered torches
  • Central heated ice-cubes
  • A pocket in a pair of underpants
  • A chocolate dick
  • An astray on a motorbike
  • A sodium submarine
  • Tits on a bull
  • Aka "Mammary glands on the male of the bovine species"
  • A condom with a hole in it
  • A box of matches in the desert
  • This article was added to LaughNet on Tuesday 09 August, 2005.


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