1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
 2. The gleam in your eye, is the sun hitting your bifocals.
 3. You feel like the night after, but you haven't been anywhere.
 4. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
 5. You get winded playing chess.
 6. Your children begin to look middle-aged.
 7. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning.
 8. You join a health club, but don't go.
 9. You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
10. Your mind makes contracts that your body can't keep.
11. You look forward to a dull evening.
12. "25 Years Ago Today", is your favorite part of the newspaper.
13. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
14. Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
15. The best part of the day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
16. Your back goes out more often than you do.
17. A fortune teller offers to read your face.
18. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
19. You forget, why you are reading this.