(An original list by Maria Smith)


 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and
      stranding them at strategic locations.
 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout
      the day.
 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
      fresheners.
 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
 9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in narrow
      aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
      got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
      the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi!  I haven't seen you in so
      long!..." etc.  See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough
      for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a
      "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away.
      Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your
      playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and
      say, "Wow.  Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite
      them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other
      aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm
      Batman.  Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you
      people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,
      yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any
      in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
      with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if
      he knows where the anti-depressants are.  Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:
      Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your
      Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various
      funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly
       make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
      position and scream, "No, no!  It's those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.  If the
      store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get
      out  much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

*BONUS*  Attempt all of the above during the same visit.