1. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are
someone else's fault.

2. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want
to stay employed.

3. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious,
self-righteous people around me.

4. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local
laws.

5. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying
about the future?

6. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no
sweeter words than I told you so!

7. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice
things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

8. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of
suspicion and paranoia.

9. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner
sociopath.

10. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over
others.

11. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

12. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

13. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in
many ways to keep me quiet.

14. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

15. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a
lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

16. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next
step of blaming my parents.

17. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my
underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

18. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

19. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no
personality at all.

20. I am at one with my duality.

21. Joan of Arc heard voices too.

22. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is
working.

23. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with
imaginary fears.

24. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and
complain.

25. False hope is better than no hope at all.

26. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

27. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

28. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm
giving as much as I'm getting.

29. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

30. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

31. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn
from them.

32. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he
gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.